Despite what almost all of us think about men and women, both sexes aren’t that different. The truth is we all live on earth irrespective of our gender, orientation and thought processes; and as such we all are forced to communicate with each other on a daily basis – including procreating and making out. In order to ensure we fulfill our desires, a lot of us do unimaginable things (ladies included) just because matters concerning emotions make us act like fools. When it comes to love, everyone speaks like a fluent moron (apologies Lorelai Gilmore).
Well, we all can get along if we are as honest as possible while making sure that we don’t act like jerks towards one another. And in truth, we guys have a bad habit of acting like jerks while dating. However, all bad habits can be broken if we put our minds to it if we factor in accountability and admitting when you’re wrong. For the benefit of the future and present human race, these are 10 things we guys need to stop doing if we want to be the “nice” guys we mostly claim to be on our dating profiles.
1.Pretending you’re “into her” just to into her
Men tend to operate under the notion that the only way to get a lady to have sex with them is to trick them into believing they are in love with them and want a future with them. They achieve this by playing somewhat elaborate games that even the best of players would see as been too much. Some guys believe that to get a girl to sleep with them entails treating her as thrash to an extent where she has a lowered self esteem and her only recourse is to adhere to your wants. However, ladies know this trick and the games that follow. Women might want to get laid as much as you want but chances are they’re more likely to do so and feel good about it when you’re upfront about what you want than when you go about it the wrong way. Be cool and honest about it. That’s the best thing to do.
2.Bullying people into messaging them back on social media
People a lot of the time wade through the misery and sometimes mystery that follows online dating through social media tools. Online dating has a lot of hidden treasures as well as mysteries which includes people you could never see yourself dating. And that’s okay because there will always be someone out there to date them. Unfortunately, people that you seem to have little or no interest in fail to take the hint. And most of the times, guys fall into these shoes. They’d go on and on messaging even when we fail to get a reply. Such guys then go on to complain about how nice they were and how much of a disappointment the lady is. The truth is for one to actually be a nice guy, you don’t have to repeatedly say it as it will be evident to all and sundry. If you really respect her, you’d leave her be and go on to find someone that loves you the way you are.
3.Making up excuses for why they didn’t call
If you are not into someone, you simply aren’t. It’s not a bad thing not to be. Any human that looks and analyses things in an objective manner would understand that there will always be girls that would flake out by the second date perhaps because they didn’t hit it off with you or because they just weren’t interested in a second date. If you have never had this happen to you, then you probably have a pocket full of gold, diamonds or cash and your face was sculpted by an angel. But some of us who have had that know that women will always offer excuses ranging from being busy at work, having a lot of drama in their lives or having no time to feel anything whatsoever. However, the truth is we don’t have to kill anyone off, instead we can come out upfront and state why it didn’t work out. It definitely isn’t the end of the world and it is sure that people will appreciate you more for telling the truth than being a lying prick who can’t communicate the way they feel about issues.
4.Lying about wanting a relationship if they don’t.
There will always be an opportunity to figure out what you specifically want out of your dating life. And of course, you’d also have room to see someone while trying to figure out where the relationship is headed. Every relationship you find yourself in is different and so are the needs of each individual one. However. There’s a big difference between having some grey areas while dating and not knowing what you both are to each other and inadvertently leading someone on. As a guy, it’s not advisable when you’re just getting out of a relationship to rush into another one given the fact that you may need some single time just for casual fun. One of the most important things in a relationship is to be with someone who gets the position you’re in and that won’t be possible if you’re giving them what you alone think they want i.e a boyfriend. The best way to find out what they want is through communication which will come through mainly by asking.
5.Expecting other people to be perfect.
A whole lot of guys have a skewed perception of what their partners are like. They think of their partners as magical creatures who can exercise some form of change in them. Well, your partner doesn’t have a magic wand to wish away your problems. They’re humans who poop, fart and cry like you just as they also break down under the weight of emotional baggage. Your partners feel all the same things you do and as such aren’t perfect. Categorising them as crazy for doing something you don’t like is not a good thing. They will expect you to be on time just as you expect them to be. Same goes for you listening to them and sharing the not too good parts of their lives and staying put instead of bailing on them when trouble comes.
6.Only giving compliments based on looks.
I doubt there’s anyone who doesn’t like being told they look handsome or beautiful. There’s no one in the world that has a perfect self-esteem and as humans, we all love when someone takes note of our physical appearance and innate beauty. However, it is nice to compliment your woman for things other than her physical appearance. It would be good to compliment her for always looking presentable and being a healthy and completely functional person. They would really appreciate that.
7.Blaming their partner for all of the problems in their relationship.
People do this a lot in relationships and guys seem to be more of the culprits than the female folk. Some guys see every single one of their exes as nothing more that heartless people who broke their hearts instead of seeing them as human Guys have a Taylor Swift problem: Every one of their exes is the bitch that broke their heart, instead of a flawed human being that it didn’t work out with. We all have those previous partners with whom you wouldn’t want to be in the same room ever again, but if all of your exes are the problem, if you notice a particular pattern in your relationships and if you’re completely unable to take responsibility for your share in that, they might not be the problem. You may be the problem.
8.Using dates to vent about their previous relationships.
Oftentimes, exes would come up on a date as a lot of people will find themselves telling stories about the people that hurt and love them in their pasts which make the people we’ve dated a part of our lives. This alone would bring up a lot of unpalatable memories. However, the truth is no one wants to details of your sordid past during dates especially if it is the first one. It is best to leave any admission of your past till after enough trust has been built and you both know you can confide in each other. A date offers an opportunity for another and as such, you should make it an opportunity to make it about the person you’re with and not the person you’ve been with.
9.Spending the entire date on your phone.
It is annoying to say the least to spend ample time which you should use to get to know her, aimlessly going through your phone which you have all the time in the world to give attention to. How in the world can you get to know someone when you’re surfing social media sites? You just can’t. Your intended partner doesn’t live in your phone, they’re right in front of you to talk to.
10.Disappearing and then reappearing like it was nothing.
Leaving someone you claim to like for weeks on end and surfacing all of a sudden because you have the urge for sex or financial rewards has to be one of the biggest emotional crimes. Seeing nothing wrong with the situation is an even bigger crime and it is pertinent all men know that it is unrealistically juvenile not to keep in contact. It is important one is accountable to ones failings and know how your negative actions influence other people. Being a good person isn’t hard, but it starts by thinking about people other than yourself. This is what being matured means.